ED

It is easy to give – it’s extremely rewarding. Receiving, on the other hand, if it is to be done well, requires a fine balance of self-knowledge, tact and kindness. When receiving you cannot appear (even to yourself) better or stronger or wiser than the giver – but you need to be wise to do it well.

I have a very good friend called Ed. We have many similar interests, two of which are good books and wine. Indeed, he is a wine merchant and owns a well-stocked shop.

Ed once said to me: “For a very long time I didn’t like myself”. It was not said as self-pity but simply as an unfortunate part of life. “It was a very painful part of my life and I did not like myself for many reasons, some valid, some pure fancy probably. I would hate to go back to that state. But gradually, I discovered, with surprise and pleasure, that quite a number of people like me! And I thought ‘if they can like me, why can’t I like myself’? Just thinking about it did not do any good, but slowly I learned to like myself”.

He didn’t say this as self-love in the bad meaning of the words, but in self knowledge; he meant literally that he had learned to accept and like the person “Ed” as he liked most other people. Many people don’t like themselves; they wear masks, they distrust themselves and are jealous. They cannot see themselves well enough to form a true liking and since we automatically fear and dislike strangers, we fear and dislike our ‘stranger-selves’.

Once Ed was able to like himself, he was released from his secret prison of self-contempt. He could receive and understand and be truly glad rather than competitively glad.

How well do you know you?

Until next time (in full knowledge of me),

Peripatetic Scribe